Walking with Children and Teenagers Suffering from Chronic Illness

The term "chronic illness" is used as an umbrella term for a disease or condition that persists for an extended period of time. There is no current agreed-upon definition of chronic illness, which makes the term somewhat subjective.1 Conditions such as cancer, heart disease, cystic fibrosis, fibromyalgia, arthritis, type 2 diabetes, obesity, asthma, oral health, and more are considered to be chronic illnesses, and it is estimated that more than 40% of teenagers have one or more of them. Studies have shown that body image issues, developing independence, and peer relationships all suffer as a result of chronic illness. It is also linked with other mental health struggles such as depression. Though it differs by disease, in general, research has found that difficulties with chronic illness (among other factors) increase the risk of suicide among teenagers, with suicide being the 2nd leading cause of death. God can use your loving care and patient biblical counsel to help them in their faith, even in the midst of their great hardship and weakness. While this blog doesn't encompass everything there is to say on the topic, here are three ways to help children and teens suffering from chronic illness.2

Involve Yourself in Their Suffering

Chronic illness among children and teenagers is an area of suffering that is commonly overlooked in the church. Ask yourself, when you hear that a child or teen in your church suffers from a chronic illness, how often do you think: "This is a divine opportunity for someone in the church to lovingly walk through this with them that they might grow in maturity in Christ." If you're like me, then that's likely not your first thought. Among many issues, the most predominant addressed among youth inside the church include issues of sexuality, depression and anxiety, self-harm, and more. The reason for focusing on these specific issues over chronic illness is twofold. First, many of these controversial topics are more prevalent and are directly tied to the moral degradation of our society. As a result, the church is attempting to rise and address moral issues biblically, and these are crucial problems that must be addressed. Second, the presenting problem of chronic illness is often perceived as only having physical components, and to offer spiritual help for a problem that is perceived to be merely physical seems foolish or inadequate to many.

While these two points share some truth, the reality is that many teenagers struggle spiritually in churches where leaders do not take the time to equip themselves to walk with them in their pain. While various other issues are being addressed (for good reason), how to face the unique struggle of chronic illness is often not. But what an opportunity the church has to show the light of Christ to suffering children! We need to burden ourselves with what burdens others and weep with those who weep (Gal. 6:2, Rom. 12:15). We need to walk closely with suffering children and point them to Christ as the ultimate source of strength and rest.

What does involving yourself in their suffering look like? While the entire church may not need to know if someone is receiving counseling, that does not mean the church should not be involved at all. Too often, the church is entirely excluded from the counseling process, and this creates a natural isolation between them and the church. Instead, involving the church in practical ways can give them hope and show them that the body of Christ is here to care for them out of their love for Christ and His bride. Intentionally practicing the “one another's” is crucial in the care of children suffering from chronic illness. Specific “one another’s” that may be helpful are: caring for one another (1 Cor. 12:25), bearing one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:1-2), loving one another (1 Thess. 3:12), comforting one another (1 Thess. 4:18), encouraging and building one another up (1 Thess. 5:11), praying for one another (1 Tim. 2:1), being hospitable to one another (1 Pet. 4:9), serving one another (1 Pet. 4:10), teaching and admonishing one another (Col. 3:16) having fellowship with one another (1 John 1:7), etc. 

It will take creativity to implement these in the context of the specific person being counseled. Focusing on implementing a few of these well can go a long way to show the love of Christ, and each “one-another” will look different depending on the specific illness. For example, a meal train is a great idea to help bear the burdens of a family; however, if the chronic illness is food-related, it may be best to focus on maintaining close fellowship with the family or providing financial support. If the illness prevents them from being around other people, then having a rotation of church members write encouraging and comforting letters each week may be the best approach. If the illness involves something more controllable, such as type 2 diabetes or arthritis, it may be best to stir them up to eat healthy for the glory of God and the good of their body. If the teen has begun to form sinful thought and behavior patterns, it may be best to admonish and exhort them. Wisely involving certain members of the church in the counseling process to meet the specific needs of the family glorifies God and helps the one suffering. One practical way to be faithful to God and helpful to the child is to involve yourself in their suffering; what that practically looks like in your context will depend on the specific situation at hand.

Teach Biblical Truths With Much Patience

It is a masterpiece of the devil to make us believe that children cannot understand religion. - D.L Moody

Just like adults, children are looking to make sense of the world they live in. Chronic illness is going to draw out questions they have about God, themselves, their parents, their friends, life, death, and more. This is a crucial time to impart deep truths about God with patience so they can learn to interpret their suffering through the lens of Scripture and not our secular therapeutic culture. Certainly, it takes wisdom to know when to speak and when not to, but avoid the popular notions that you need to "wait until they are ready to hear about God" or "they can't understand concepts about God at their age." D.L. Moody gets it right: "It is a masterpiece of the devil to make us believe that children cannot understand religion." It might take patience, but whether children understand Scripture is ultimately the task of the Spirit changing their heart; our job is to faithfully and lovingly teach what Scripture says. When people know that you love them, you can share just about anything with them. Just like you and I need to be reminded of truth over and over (and yet sometimes it still doesn't stick!), all the more will children need to be taught and re-taught, reminded and re-reminded about the rich truths of Scripture. Keep in mind 1 Thessalonians 5:14: "And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all."

Some key teaching areas related to chronic illness are creation, biblical anthropology, the attributes of God, people suffering from chronic illness in Scripture, progressive sanctification, the new heavens and new earth, and more (see figure 1). Teaching both the parents and their child can serve to root the families’ hope in what Scripture says pertaining to their problems. Seek to take their gaze off their illness and aim it toward what will benefit their soul. Again, finding the right truths to aim at the heart of the child will take knowing them and their specific struggles so you can apply the appropriate balm to the appropriate wound. If this illness is chronic, then be thinking long-term life change rather than short-term quick fixes. Everyone in their life will be focusing on reducing symptoms and coping well. Make your counsel unique by focusing on the hope that comes through a life radically transformed by Jesus Christ. As you do this, pray that the Spirit might transform their mind and conform them into the image of Christ, which is far more precious than symptom reduction (2 Cor. 3:18).

Take heart and know that God will use your ordinary faithfulness to accomplish His plans. I teach a counseling class at a local Christian school, and a teen who suffers from a chronic illness sent me this email after taking the class: “This class helped me feel less as if I am forsaken and broken because of something that cannot be cured. It taught me to not doubt his doing and to realign my focus on His plans for me, instead of my plans for myself - even when it feels like there are no improvements in my health.” By God’s grace, this can happen in your context as you patiently teach rich biblical truths.

Be Ready for Complexities in the Counseling Process

As with any counseling situation, complexities will likely arise, and simply focusing on walking with the child and their family and teaching core biblical truths pertaining to chronic illness will not be the only matter that needs to be addressed. Inevitably, other issues will come up. For example, imagine Julie (13 years old) has type 1 diabetes and she will not listen to her parents regarding when she needs to check her blood sugar. Because of this, complications with her diabetes arise, and she is inattentive throughout her day. The effects of her chronic illness are worsened by her disobedience to her parents. Or, imagine Julie goes to school and gets to math class (which she dreads). Because she wants to get out of class, she develops a habit of deceiving her teacher by telling him she is feeling lightheaded. She uses this excuse and other excuses to avoid learning, which in turn affects her math grade in the long run. At this point, Julie is using her chronic illness as a means by which to be deceptive.

As the counselor, these are the types of complexities that will inevitably arise when working with people. Other complexities might be that the child doesn't believe in God (in which case personalized evangelism is necessary), the parents are exasperating the child, the child has become hopeless or depressed, the child struggles to interact with others socially, and more. It can be overwhelming to know which problem to address first (see Three Kinds of Problems by Jay Adams for help in prioritizing issues in counseling). Each situation is unique, and it will require asking the Lord for wisdom (Jas. 1:5) to know how to approach each situation. Don't let the difficulty of the situation hinder you from walking with the child and their family. Follow the example of Christ and draw near to the weak so the child may be helped and Christ can receive the full reward for the price He paid.

In Christ,

Justin Daugherty

Footnotes

1. Chronic illness is a broad and subjective term that can include just about anything if it meets the right (subjective) stipulations. For example, cancer, asthma, and depression are all side by side in the category of chronic illness. In this article, when I use the term "chronic illness", I am referring to bodily diseases that generally involve prolonged suffering. I am not referring to mental phenomena like depression or anxiety, as those are issues that find their origin in the inner person and not the outer person.

2. This blog is adapted from a research paper I did for a class called "The Bible and Pastoral Care." If you would like the full research paper, email me at hopecounselingdc@gmail.com